Trials and Tribulations

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Below are the 10 most recent journal entries recorded in the "thewoodowns" journal:

November 13th, 2006
09:46 pm [Link]	20 inch Blades on the Impala... NOTE: I bought a voice recorder so many of the quotes you see will in fact be verbatim as they were spoken. I just put on something comfortable, put a pot of ramen on, and now I am ready to tell you about my life from 9 Nov. to 12 Nov. This is the second time I have done Boston in a months time. This time I set out on a Thursday after a brutal Physics Lab. My partner in crime for this trip was Dirty Danny. LarLar made the trip with us but he didn't party with us this weekend. We started out by hoping on the road and heading to Boston College, where Dirty had a high School friend, Schlaf, waiting for us. The trip was pretty long and dark, but we past the time by listening to Alabama and cursing out some drivers. The trip was pretty uneventful as I slept for the majority of it. Upon arrival in Boston we hit up the Dunkin Doughnuts directly across the street from BC. There we are greeted by a long haired, man. Well, what seemed like a man. This it had a womans voice, I did a breast check, it had no breasts. And it had a five o'clock shadown like sexy Brad Pitt in fight club. It's name was also like Angie or something feminine, so I did what any self respecting person would do, I ordered to Boston Creme doughnuts and sat down. After polishing off the doughnuts we asked to chicks where we could get some grub, they said Cleveland Circle, and told us that in a car it would take like 3 minutes to get there. Apparently we are retarded because we easily drove around for like 15 minutes before arriving at Prestos Pizza. Ordered some pops and a pizza and ate there. Then we hopped back in our ride and drove to BC again where we got some Ice Cream and waited for Schlaf to get out of some lecture. We pull up to Schlaf's dorm. It looks like a hotel, we go upstairs to the fifth floor where we see his castle, like 3 rooms 2 bathrooms and a big living room. His roommates were pretty legit and we started to party there. After a while some people keep showing up, and I am told that some Clevelanders roll with their group. So when these C-town boys show up we give eachother some dap, and they ask where I am from and I say you know Lakewood, the Gay town. They go oh yeah, we are from shaker heights. Cool I figure they are a bit rich and didn't go to Shaker. One went to Gilmour and one went to University School, both high schools probably cost over 10grand a year. They ask me if I went to Ignatius or Eds, two private schools on the Westside. I say I went to Lakewood Public, this apparently was out of the realm of possibility that I went to public school, but whatev. Then they ask me what grade school I went to, once again they just couldn't handle the whole idea of public school, so I said Lakewood Public. They didn't really get it. I determined they were the type of kids I hated in high school so that is the end of our talks. The night goes on and many people keep showing up, and although the Schlaf lives in a castle by dorm room standards, this place begins to heat up like a chestnut on xmas day. I keep partying and Dirty and I start talking and just pretty much chill. It gets to be like 230am and the party is not really dying down, but I am, so I hit the hay at that time. Luckily I wake up without things drawn on my face. This seems to be a classier crowd than the Udel crowd. 10 Nov. I wake up at around 1030 and Dirty and I hit the showers and embark to downtown Boston. We get on the T and head downton, we decide against Jackets, a poor choice later. Anyway we are trying to find Eagles Diner a legendary place where you can get your pic on the wall if you eat a burger over 1 pound. We by pass this on the T by about 10 stops, so we hop out and make the trip back. Walk into Eagles and a man that easily weighs over 400 pounds takes our order, I would say he has had a few too many 1lb burgers in his day, but who am I to judge. Dirty and i decided that we don't need our digestive systems going haywire on us later in the day so we just settle for the King Kong burger, They are half pounders with a half pound of fries. On the menu though for 50 dollar you can buy a burger weighing 5 lbs with 20 slices of cheese and 20 slices of bacon and 5 lbs of fries. I figured this is what the fat cashier must eat for every meal. I almost vommited upon reading 20 slices of cheese and bacon. I wouldn't even eat that much bacon with a hearty breakfest. We get out of there and head to Newbury Street. On the ride I meet a Bostonite who I strike up a convo with, he is pretty friendly. We arrive at newbury street and get off and go outside and start walking up and down the street. We hit up stores like Condomworld, an emporium of prophylactics and sex toys. I notice some couples in there and begin to wonder if they have such little spark in their relationship that they have to venture to condomworld in search of man parts that you can wear on your face and all sorts of other things. We go to patagonia and marvel at 200 dollar sweaters. Then we head down to Polo, and wonder if we should even go in, I mean the store has a doorman. I come to the conclusion that we are both wearing polo goods and are customers of the company. We walk in and some long haired clown greets us and asks if we need any help. I of course say no and then he begins to follow us to make sure some ruffians like ourselves dont steal any of there 650dollar pants or 95 dollar beanies. We leave there and go sit in Boston commons and reflect on our lives. We are looking for something to do before Dirty head back to BC for a lingerie party, we decide to check out this cigarbar sort of deal to waste an hour or so. We go to the humidor in the joint and some geek Ids us. then he tells us we can buy cigars but can't smoke them there, I tell him no thanks and we leave. There are like 5 people in the bar, I hope they go out of business. I mean it wasn't like they weren't going to be able to spot the two underage kids trying to sneak drinks at the bar. I hate him. I then call Rosie a high school chum of mine and she says that I can swing by. Dirty goes back to BC and I navigate the Boston subways and show up at Rosie's door. We go to her dining hall and Emily meets us there. She is from Marthas Vineyard so I talk to her about Kennedy jr. and other things of the sort. We leave there and go to her place and then Rosies and start to make party. After we hang out there we go to some apartment of some guy that none of us know. In tote, is a man which I have dubbed Lil' C. The C stands for Craig, and we were told earlier in the night that we looked like eachother. We did not look like eachother at all, but I took the Roll of big C and he seemed cool with Lil' C, so it stuck. We got on the T and made it downtown to this party. It was a bunch of weirdos celebrating some girls birthday, her name was Double D, she did no have Double Ds, I figured it was like an ironic nickname. I get a piece of cake and start eating it like a dog, some girl asks if I need a spoon I look at her like she is stupid, my prescence is known. They start all dancing to songs like "Here comes the sun" this is when I record into my voice recorder that "They are all fags" and Rosie records "I hate their guts, I hate their guts, guts". I notice a few magnets on the fridge, like the ones that you can spell stuff with. I figure Rosie would like these at her place so i pick up a few for her. I think the guy that lives there notices this so i make small talk and begin to spell sentences out with them. Some people start smoking from a Hooka this sort of bugs me but its Double Ds birthday and she should go all out. I put some blue cake icing on my face and start to walk around with it on, people tell me it is on my face, I look at them like they are retarded. Some girl takes her finger and wipes the icing across my upper lip and then licks her finger, I am disgusted. We leave at around 1150 to get the T. This is a chore because Rosie is gone. I piggy back her down the stairs of the T, in hindsight it was the dumbest thing we could have done, I was gone and if we fell we could have died. So we get to the T and since none of us are eager to pay we try to pry the gates open. A T operator did not like this one bit and started yelling at us, I wasnt really paying attention to her and i showed her my ID she let us all through and she hated doing it. I beat her. We got on the train and that is the night. 11 Nov. Rosie and I wake up at about 11 and go to the dining hall with emily. We trade stories of the evening, like how Emily had Lil C forced upon her by her roommate. We go to Rosies and decide to go see Borat, we grab some ballons and fill them up and make them squeal the whole trip there, it was funny to us, probably everybody else wanted to kill us. Screw them. Borat was good. We go back and chill and then get a wrap and then decide to power hour before we go back to Schlafs at BC for a party there. I meet Blakely she didn't seem that bad. Later i am informed she is bad. We go to Rosies place and rock out to some rap and other songs and talk. Before we hop on the T I decide i need to urinate and do so in the tunnel of where the T comes from, pretty much mid piss it comes. I am not really phased and coninute pissing, some people on the T told me they thought I was going to die. Then we go and get on the T and set out for BC, the T takes us about halfway there and then tells everybody to get off. Great. We get a taxi and finally get to BC. Show up at the party and chill there and then Dirty and I go to the dining hall and pig out. This is pretty unevenful, we meet the Schlafs little sister and her friend who was a mess. Rosie and Emily show up sort of upset I left them at the Schlafs but whatev. At the dining hall some kid in a Ranger T shirt with his dog tags hangin out shows up, I ask him if he is a ranger, turns out he is just a tool bag I have my fun with him and wish him the best of luck at ROTC. We go back to Schlafs, earlier in the day I find out that our car has been towed from where it was originally parked. Dirty and Schlaf go on a 130 dollar quest to get it back from the impound and park it is some residential place. The party gets to about 230 am again and we need to hit the road early that day and dont have a car. Dirty and i decided to get the car and sleep in it. We take some pretty poor directions to where it is parked. And follow these directions pretty poorly, we even ask a cabby if he knows where this street is, he has no idea, i figured we are screwed and i am about ready to sleep on the sidewalk of suburban boston. We finally find the car and it has been ticketed, but not towed, thank god. So we drive it to BC parking garage and figure if we sleep in it they cant tow us too. So we get to sleep at 4am and wake at 730am. We meet up with LarLar and hit the road, I sleep the trip back. That is the weekend. Fun facts about the weekend. amount of money spent on chowda: $11 times i had to pay for the T: 0 number of chicks that licked frosting from my face of their finger: 1 number of times i was grossed out by that chick: 1 Current Mood:* pissed off Current Music: Wanna be a baller- Lil' Troy (2 comments \| Leave a comment)
November 5th, 2006
10:17 pm [Link]	Boston, Its ups and its down Ok.....its been a long week. I punch my time card out and hit the open road with JPhil, not be confused with an earlier mentioned EPhil. JPhil and I hit the road, but it isn't as wide open as one might think. A. Because Connecticut traffic blows, and B. Because JPhil's driving is sub par and I feared for my life thrice on the trip there. End destination, Worscester Mass, Pronounced Wooster. Well we got to within like .1 miles of the school Holy Cross, and couldn't find the place, we drive all over little Wooster Mass for about 30 minutes girls are giving us directions, and I am just amazed with how poorly they are giving directions considering that they have gone to school there for 3 years but maybe I am being judgemental, after all I am the one that is lost. Anyway we arrive at the school and that is when I first meet MaggieM, JPhil's main squeeze. And her roommate Xtina Smollards, probably one of the most well rounded people I have ever met. So after the meet and greet we hit the road to Olive Garden, which to the shock of some JPhil or I have never been. Anyway it is packed, we go to some place it is also packed, but it is in a mall so we mill around there for a while. I go into brookstone where they have some sort of sexually explicit exercise device and two young ladies (HO1 and HO2) are mounting it and having a grand time. Then we travel to a costume store and look around there for a while. By the way we were with some girl Geniveve Maliszeski or something like that, her name is unimportant, what is important is that she had facial hair like Robin Williams in Good Will Hunting, this girl was gross. I just wanted to rip the whiskers straight out of her face. So we finally get seated, I drew a short straw and had to sit next to Xtina, let the good times roll I thought. I was originally being pleasant but then Xtina began to bore me so I went on the attack. I just started being weird and doing my thing. She didn't really get it so I just attacked harder until I lulled her into a silence where she didn't bug me anymore. We left there and went to Chris Morris' "THE MARINE" he is marine ROTC and was having a party. Unfortunately Xtina and I were on a pong team. I ran the table more or less, Xtina blamed me for missing some shots, but she sucked. So the party was getting old and we bounced, but not before I grabbed some beverages for the trip back. (In Boston this is a huge party foul, a crime similar to punching a priest or holding up a general store). WHATEVER. So we left and talked to some of MaggieM's friends and I ate a huge bag of kettle corn, it was cool. I went to sleep. Next morning I wake up shower in a girls shower, weird to say the least, all these were walking around while I was showering and farting and I vomitted all over myself in the shower I was so creeped out. Well from there we went to get some breakfast at the dining hall. It was good, then we went to check on Smallerds' rugby game, and when we got there she wasn't playing. So I started screaming loudly to put Xtina in. Apparently rugby is to classy of a sport to cheer for as all the fans looked at me like I had 5 eyes. Screw them they are watching womens rugby they obviously hate things that are entertaining and fun on top of that. Anyway after about 15 minutes of watching this "glorious" spectacle we left and headed to Boston. We hit the road and started driving, made it in pretty great time. Unfortunately we couldn't find Northeastern I was going to visit Rose a High School Chum. JPhil and MaggieM were going to visit Cathy a chum of theirs. We drive around Boston for literally and hour and ahlaf before we find where the hell to go. We get to Northeastern and are greeted by cathy a pretty intense Broad. So I meet up with Rosie and I go to her apartment meet one of her roommates. Saw the other but never got an intro cause she is weird and I guess they don't talk or anything like that. Her and her roommate took about 3 hours worth of combine shower time. Then we went and got on the train in search of dinner in Boston. We get off the train somewhere random and walked around China Town for the next hour it was really weird. Rosie's roommate was so f-ing weird she said I creeped her out, she creeped me out. Anyway we get to the Prudential Center and go to Cheesecake Factory 1.5 hour wait, then to Legal Sea Food same wait, so we settle for Qdoba, pretty lame. We get on the train and go back to Rosie's and are trying to go out to Rosie's friends but then her roommate got a call from some drunk rotc guy who was crying about pissing hot on his drug test because of this girl. This girl entertained his drunk call for possibly 1 hour and left to come to the party after us. At the party she/he calls again. She leaves early, I leave after her but before Rosie. I get back to their apartment and she is talking to him. She hangs up and then 15 minutes later, I go "I hope Ryan is ok, maybe you should call him." Like that she calls him. Ridiculous she entertained this drunk guys calls for easily 2 hours. And she thinks I am creepy, she is weird. I hope she reads this and realizes how big of a mess she is. Regardless I went to sleep again. I woke up that morning with my hopes set on the Aquarium Rosie and I went and met JPhil and MaggieM there. I saw all sorts of animals, it was cool, it smelled like fish, and like BO because immeadiately in front of us was a big smelly gothic slob. Whatever I bought some souveniors, snapped some pics, and left. Cathy met us at some place and Rosie left. We watched some guy escape from a straight jacket, I thought it was cool not everybody else did. Then i gave him some change. From there we went into this massive fast food emporium. I got some taco and some chowda. When I ate the chowda everybody laughed at me, and I didn't really feel good on the inside when they did this. We then walked some more and went to Borders, I hate books, I hate reading, I especially hate reading school books. So I bought "I hope they serve beer in hell" it is a funny book I have since read it. I enjoyed it, it is stories I hope my livejournal gets that infamous someday. We left there and went back to Northeastern I gathered my things, and said later to Rosie. And told Cathy she wasn't as intense as I originally thought. Then we went back to wooster. Saw Jackass 2. Slept and headed back the next day to school. It was sort of a low key weekend, but I enjoyed it. Word. End. Current Location: School Current Mood: giddy Current Music: Some Jessica Simposon song (1 comment \| Leave a comment)
01:39 am [Link]	Fuck the haters..... Last night, at about the hour of 7 or so, i go to the Stadium and root Bobby Ross and his knights to victory. Earlier in the week he said in the mess hall to root for him. Ok Bobby, I am on board sure f-ing thing. We show up and they are passing out towels and people are all pumped for this show down. ARMY VS AIR FORCE. Earlier in the week The airforce qb formerly of st eds, promised a 49 to 7 defat of the black kngihts. We are gonna show him whats up. We all start cheering, army drives to the 2 yard line, airforce recovers a fumble and takes it back 98 yards for the touchdown, and it just goes down hill form there. BOTTOMLINE army is a mess, they are really bad, i cant even root for sucha mess, the airforce qbs predictions pretty much came true. wasnt even close So today i wait around and go to the city, most expensive thing ever, it is about 20dollar each way to get from west point to the city 40 total we get to the city and get denied from two clubs, meet chamberlain and then party there. leave go to hooka bar, meet other devils party, leave i try to fight signs and mailboxes and walls get back on time i am angry caus ei lost my botytle. word (Leave a comment)
October 23rd, 2006
05:58 pm [Link]	You can't spell home without Pennsylvania As I endured more nonsense at school I couldn't help but keep my eyes on the prize, a weekend pass to TYRONE, PA. My second home. The story here is that Tad C invited me because his brother requested our prescence during his leave after getting out of Marine Boot. His brother Chris, to put it lightly, is a raging alcoholic. He is my age, but he started hitting the bottle pretty early in his life. We all have passions or vices, mine is fast women and sarcasm. Jesus' was helping the less fortunate. Chris' is Milwaukee's Best Ice. Our weekend started around 3 on Friday the 15th of the month of September. Chris showed up to pick us up and he was already lit up, luckily his friend was driving. He regaled us with stories of his drive on to post where he was cursing officers and calling them "Fcking Westies". We pulled out and embarked on our 4 hour journey to BFE Pennsylvania, we were listening to really heavy rock which was making my ears sad, but I could handle it knowing that I would soon be in the promised land. I wrote up an itinerary for the weekend which included going to the Endzone on Friday night, the endzone is a local establishment where gentleman go to spend time with beautiful woman. On Saturday we were going to go buy cheap tobbacco and go shooting, then hit up Bull Pen, a local establishment which serves chicken wings among other things, and then maybe get at a party or something, who knows. Anyway we had a long drive ahead of us before we could engage in these sins of the flesh. About halfway into out drive we decided that we wanted to look good when we go to the endzone, so we stopped at a Salvation Army to pick up some sharp suits. We went in and bought some suits, vintage 1979. We decided we needed to hop into this leisure wear ASAP, so we changed in the parking lot. Before we could pull out and get back on the road, three young women showed up with two kids about the age of 3. They started bumpin Bubba Sparxx and one of the kids started "gettin low" I started dancing too just because I wanted to fit in. I then asked them if they were playing the Spice Girls, they thought I was retarded. Anyway we hopped in the car and continued on our way. We finally got to Tad's house, where Guy Rietz was waiting for us. We got him a suit as well and began to party. We were partying and listening to MC Goldie, and trying to get some girls to drive us to the endzone, believe it or not, not a lot of girls wanted to go to the endzone. Anyway we finally got some drivers and headed out at about 1130pm. We got to the endzone at about 12am and walked in and started shmooozing with some of the ladies. The endzone has 22 foot poles that stretch from the floor to the seiling of this fine establishment. We got in there and started yelling for the girls to go to the top, then we gave them a dollar, all was going well until Guy sort of fell asleep. Chris put him back in the car and then came back. One girl came up to us and asked us why we were dressed up, the dialogue went something like this. Girl: Why are you guys all dressed up? Chris: We just got off of work Girl: Where do you work? Chris: Wall street, at Pierce and Pierce Girl: Pierce and Pierce? Me: An accounting firm Girl: Oh We then continued to enjoy ourselves when a girl came up to me and asked me why I looked so sad. I told her that it was a rough day at the office, "We lost the Stewart Account today" I think she bought it. Anyway, we continued to enjoy ourselves there. Then at about 3am we went back to Tad's and fell asleep. Day 2: We woke up and were off, we went to the bank and took out quite a bit of money in anticipation of buying some firearms. We drove all over God's green earth and were checking out guns all over the place. I was on the verge of buying a shotgun but decided against it. Chris wanted to buy an AK47 so we spent the better part of the afternoon traveling around and comparing prices. We bought some ammo and were going to go shooting when I saw a Goodwill store. I decided that we should go buy some toys and fine china and shoot it. This was pretty well recieved by my friends so we put about $20 on the table and bought some dishes and stuffed animals and dolls. Then we drove and got our guns and started shooting them up pretty good. After this we traveled to the Bull Pen and got some wings and the waittress tested my knowledge of Tyrone, I passed with flying colors. Tad said I might as well become a Historian of the town. I know all about the Mushheads, some inbreds that live on a hill, and knew other key facts about the Tyrone Golden Eagles, and about Ken Parks, a 27 year old guy that has been to more Tyrone proms than anybody ever. After getting back from the BullPen, Skip Chamberlain, Tad's father, author of Drinking Driving and Surviving, decided we should party and play Risk. I have never played Risk, but I did pretty well until I conceded and Chris said that I was an offensive term. We continued to party, Guy came over and so did his sister Sarah. I started calling his sister and he friend by the wrong name and was giving them a hard time, it was pretty good. Eventually one of Sarah's friends came over, I don't really remember his name, but I do remember his near fatal mistake. While everybody was chatting and having a good time, this kid busted out his "hash pipe". Guy saw this and went ballistic, being a veteran of the Iraq war Guy asked why on earth this kid would bring that out in front of 5 guys that were in the service. He threatened to kill him and this kid was a bit on the terrified side, he started to apologize, but this wasn't enough for Guy. Guy kept ridiculing this hippie until his sister was on teh verge of tears and left with her friend. We said goodbye and sort of laughed. We then fell asleep. But before we went to sleep, Guy vowed not to talk to his sister for two years, a promise that I have heard he has since gone back on, but whatev. Day 3: We headed back, i said goodbye to Tyrone, and promised to return someday. On the way back Chris bought a gentleman's magazine that featured women over 40, it was probably one of the more disgusting things I have ever seen. We got back to school and got out of the car and said our goodbyes. It was rough, but we soldiered on and all is well. That was the story of a weekend in Tyrone, there will be many more to follow. I am out, hope you enjoyed this one. Feel free to comment, Later. Current Location:* School Current Mood: bitchy Current Music: Blake Shelton- Goodbye Time (2 comments \| Leave a comment)
October 18th, 2006
11:29 pm [Link]	Like a Phoenix I rise from the ashes... It has been to long, I mean I probably haven't wrote in my LJ in a decade or so, this will be the comeback. I am going to take you fans back to early September, Labor Day weekend and tell you of the tale that weekend at U Del. Finally a weekend arrives, my pass gets approved, and I venture to University of Delaware to vist Kelsey Paras, LHS05 Salutatorian. I bring along with me a friend who we will call Ephil. The economical way to get to Delaware from New York is by a series of four trains. All these trains are about 1 hour each. We started at 3 and arrived at 10. Since I am fat, I didn't eat all day, and I was getting used to this. But when we got to Philadelphia Ephil was famished, we stopped at a McDonalds, some bum asked me for money and the whole scene at this McDonalds was one of depression. Ephil did not go easy on the employees, he made them earn their keep. He ordered a Big Mac, a Big and Tasty, a Double Cheeseburger, Large Fries, Large Pop, and polished it down with a parfait. He probably consumed about 458g of fat and about 3400 calories, I had to respect him for that. We get to Delaware it is downpouring, Kelsey comes to pick us up with her friend and we drive back to Kelsey's house. There is a bumpin party going on at a guy next doors house, so we put our stuff down, got the tour of her house and went next door. Sat down in a packed house because of the rain, and got ourselves a drink. Ephil had all sorts of things churning in his stomach and after we drank that milk and had a "jello cup", Kelsey went to get her friend and bring her over. About two minutes after she left Ephil's stomach exploded out of his esophagus, he vomitted all over himself, a couch, and two people in front of him. I was sort of grossed out and pretended I didn't know him as he ran to the door. I kept throwing back milks and pops and other sorts of drinks. I eventually made my way over to Kelsey's to see if she saw Ephil and whether or not he was going to come back. He changed and we made out way back to the party. I was just chilling out in some other guys house (all of these houses are attached, like a huge duplex) minding my own business watching some TV and noticing that two people were making out like bandits on a couch next to me. Eventually the guy left and I looked at the girl and said "Do you love him?" I was just being a jerk, she was sort of wasted and looked at me with a puzzled face and said "No! I just met him" I said "Oh..." and then she continued and said enthusiastically "He can go to jail..." I was puzzled and she explained that she was only 17 and proud of this, I thought that her father must be proud of this too. Kelsey and her friend came in and I told them this story, they thought it was funny. We were making small talk when Kelsey's friend, Lauren asks if I was conservative, in my state I sort of looked at her and said are you serious. Then I went on some rant about not caring for gays, hating abortion and all sorts of other things to push her buttons. Later in the night I find out a few of her close family members are gay, Oooops, I guess she will be careful next time she asks me questions. Kelsey signed us up on a long list to play some pong, about an hour and a half after we signed up our name was called. The players we were matched against probably weighed a combined 700 lbs and had been running the table for the past hour or so. One was wearing an outfit of urban camoflague and I thought it made his breasts look incredibly large. They took pong seriously and little did I know I was in for a battle, I had to drink all the cups of milk since Kelsey hates milk. I start pulling out some psych outs, they don't really appreciate this as they begin to miss some key shots, I was in such a stage that I was about to bring my junk out for the ultimate psych out, but for some reason I kept my pants zipped. The game goes on and it gets down to one cup for each of us. These two buffoons hold their hands where there is obviously no cup, I stare at their hands and blindly throw the ball into the cup. Needless to say they went nuts and Kelsey and I had dethroned the champions, I thought they were going to fight. The rest of this night was a blur....I woke up with wet pants in the morning. Day two of this weekend comes and I watch Ohio State and wait for the evening to start. Not much happens, I really want to go to Best Buy and buy some video games but I can't seem to get a ride. We decide to go to Lauren's dorm and try to convince her to give us a ride without seeming to obvious, I walk in to one of the oddest situations of my life. Four girls are surrounding a little TV watching Blue Lagoon 2 and looking at playgirls. One of the girls, Casey, was very proud that she looked at porn. The other girls were somewhat reserved, but got all hot and bothered when they saw the guy naked in Blue Lagoon. All in all this was shaping out to be a lame night, so I started to cut into the girls and try to gross them out. Firstly I tossed a dip in, which they all frowned upon and then I started just saying weird things and ripping on them, their intellectually capacity was such that they hardly got the jokes. Anyway this night wore on and we eventually went back to Kelsey's. It was low key for the most part. There was a keg of root beer there and some African American man who was stoned and wasted retarded was guarding this keg, he was easily 400 pounds. I went up and started messing with him asking if I could call him big dawg, and asked him if he wanted me to hold him up for a keg stand. This night didn't really go anywhere I started ripping on Lauren some more for the whole conservative comment the previous night, but that is all I really have for that day. Day three, I wake up and the talk of the morning is what are we going to do for Casey's birthday. We were going to go out to some restaurant with about 15 other girls that I didn't know and then party with a bucket of fresca afterwards. I got to go to Best Buy, and then we got back to Kelsey's, i painted an angel on her wall and then started my night. I thought if I am going to go out with all these girls tonight I might as well make this last night in Delaware a memorable one for them. I started throwing back a lot of Beasts real early, the crew showed up at about 9 and I was already 10 deep. I walked to this restaurant just making wild comments the whole way, along the way I took a brick from a construction sight and tried to put it in my back pocket, it was for Kelsey to put next to her piece of the Berlin wall. I got to the restaurant and was just being out of control, telling some guy i didn't know to go fornicate himself, and just hollering to girls across the table. I eventually found out who Janel was, I was told she was a slut, but that is because she was pretty fine and I think these other girls were jealous. I almost busted out some gay comments until Kelsey told me to hold my tongue because some guy we were with wasn't straight. We were served our food, I looked at Ephil and stuck my finger right in the middle of his meal, and instead of eating mine I tore it apart and made a mess. The group thought it would be best if I left early. Back at Kelsey's the whole group started partying, they were light years behind me. The only thing I remember from that night is kissing some girl in three different chairs. The next morning I wake up with phalic objects drawn all over my face and arms, I thought it was funny and didn't really try to wipe them off. Ephil woke up with some girl wearing his shirt, I think we can all draw the conclusion. I laughed about kissing that girl because I hadn't brushed my teeth all weekend. Then it was time for us to leave Kelsey's, we walked to the train station, where we found that trains didn't run on labor day, thus I hopped in a taxi to philadelphia, this set me and Ephil back about 120 bones. The conversation I had with the 55 year old Jamiacan driver about Marijuana, booze, and other sorts of things made the trip worth every cent. I still had the cocks drawn on my face and everybody that I saw along the way was laughing, I thought it was great. We evenutally made it back. Solid weekend. Next Journal: Return to Tyrone (2 comments \| Leave a comment)
May 1st, 2006
11:42 pm [Link]	Good News: 1st Platoon you no longer need to meet in my room tomorrow morning. Thanks to Chung Lohan Marques- Who in the heat of battle recieved a laceration of two inches long to his upper thigh he wins the Lavendar Heart Phillips, E Yeargain Who bravely took 3 cart loads of recyclables down the stairs while fending off upperclass harrassment, and the fatigue of the laborious task. Great Work Guys! However I would like to shout out some mad disrespect to the previous orderlies CICs. I mean maybe you thought the elevator was going to be fixed in a day or two, or maybe you thought we would just burn the newspapers in the company area, or maybe you were under the impression that the newspapers and bottle would decompose and turn into compost we all could use to plant spring flowers. Whatever the case may be some of 1st PLT and attachments (Lohan) took the crap down four flights of stairs. The message I am trying to send is one that questions your future. I mean if you other CICs cannot be held responsible to take recyclables down to the mess hall, and simple pawn them off on another platoon. You have to beg the question what sort of LTs will you make? The environment that battle was held in tonight was hardly that of Tikrit or Baghdad, how can LTG Lennox, CPT Gardner or SFC Butler expect you all to lead soldiers when bullets are flying and the friendly world you are so familiar with has turned chaotic and deadly. You need to quesiton your passion for life and reasons for being here. I don't mean to be rude, I know I have many faults, but honestly there was like 500 pounds of newspapers in front of that elevator, use your heads. Once again thanks to those who helped. As well as those who offered. Have a good night all, and make sure you are looking strack for morning. Respectfully, PVT Ross Orderlies CIC This is an email I sent out to the freshman in my company...regarding not doing duties. I don't know if everybody will get it, but enjoy. (Leave a comment)
April 5th, 2006
07:42 pm [Link]	Angry as Balls!!! WARNING DO NOT READ THIS IF YOU HATE SWEARING OR ARE EASILY UPSET BY ANGER, ALSO DON'T READ IT IF YOU DON'T WANT TO HEAR ME COMPLAIN FOR A WHILE. OTHERWISE ENJOY. Aight I am so pissed right now, there aren't words that can sum it up easily so I am going to paint a picture of this anger, so sit back get comfy and be prepared. And I am listening to sad country so that is proof of how pissed I am. Anyway football is just gay, it isn't fun anymore, it is so time consuming, so tiring, I question why I am still going to it. I flirt with the thought of retiring so much I think I should just stop lying to myself and do it. Dominick Cinotto is sick nasty as all hell at tight end. He has all the attention in the world and all the help in the world but he still manages to fuck up constantly. It is actually amazing...he fucks up so much that coach John Misciagna who is a character in himself (old, single, chews tobacco, only eats pizza, loves football) has even threatened him with possibly not playing...which is a lie. But anywho this isn't even about Cinotto I am just painting a picture for ya of the tensions that run high in my soul. Anyway to help Cinotto be the best tight end in the world Jared Ulekowski (former starting tight end for Army, enormous cockhead, tells bad jokes, he is just all around a lame person) comes to practice and pretty much personally instructs Cinotto on what to do and helps him and only him. Well as I said Jared is pretty whack and always acts like he is 45 years old and is always telling me what to do. I hate being told what to do, so despite my attempts to turn the other cheek I have gotten overly feed up and thus hate Jared Ulekowski. I don't really hate a lot of people specifically but Jared brings out the most angry Kyle there is. Today at practice it was freezing cold boring and I didn't do anything I think I went in once. Anyway practice finally comes to a close, and Coach Ross (no realtion) calls a team meeting. We talk about not drinking in the barracks and other dumb shit. At the end of the meeting Coach Misciagna calls me and Woody aside, he wants to talk with Tad too but we can't find him. I figured he was going to cut us or change our positions but something that made me even angrier happened. He said "somebody" told him we were grab assing in the back of practice and he never wants to hear that we were "fucking around" again. He asked us if we were serious about this and I said yeah. Anyway when he said "somebody" told him this I immediately thought of Jared Ulekowski. Now mind you Jared is a senior his time at Army football is over, but he has come back to be gay and try to live his dream of becoming a captain of the team which has evaded him for a few years now. I was irate, I mean coach has the audacity to tell me that I am fucking around, I mean when I run my few plays a day they are correct, not perfect but I do the right thing. I was just all around pissed...and kept thinking what a fucker Jared is because I am sure he told him that. Because that's what Jared does, he is a bitch and wouldn't dare tell me to stop fucking around to my face, so he went to tell coach. So I sit down to dinner wondering where the hell he is cause I wanted to ask him if he did do it. I didn't see him, eventually dinner was over and I went outside to wait for the bus back to the barracks. Lo and Behold who do I see but Jared. So this in the confrontation, This is how the convo went. Kyle: "Hey you didn't by chance tell coach that I was fucking around at practice today did you?" Jared: "Well were you fucking around?" K: "Maybe I was, but it wasn't you that told coach right?" J: "What if I did tell coach what would you do?" (oh shit the faggot just admitted his is a narq he is making sluggos proud) K: "I would tell you not to worry about it because you aren't on the team" J: "Oh I am not on the team" K: "No, no you aren't on the team anymore, so mind your own business" Then Jared started to tell me how it is his team too and if I am fucking around I am hurting the team, I questioned this and he said it was true. I put no stock in that. I told him not to worry about me if I want to screw around it is on me. This argument went on for a bit, I was seriously winning. I mean I am not just saying that because I am telling the story. I was the aggressor and I was telling him to back off and mind his own shit and just make sure Cinotto does well because that is "what makes him a memeber of the team". He kept trying to laugh it off and I was just like telling him to shutup and I can manage myself. Anyway I walked away feeling like I made my point, then Jared turns and says something to Chase McCoy, who I hate to bring into this story cause he is a bystander and a hard worker. But I got to Jared, "why don't you say that to me?". Jared all the sudden grew some balls and says "That's why you won't play." I go "That's my perogative, dont worry about what I do. And stop trying to be a captain you weren't you aren't and you won't be". I pretty much dropped the bomb on that fucker. I was so pissed I seriously wanted to fight him and his gay receeding hairline. I can't get over losers like him...he goes and tells coach that I was screwing around and gets me in trouble, if he really cared about the team like he says he does he would have said something to me, instead of letting somebody else do his dirty work. Pretty much I am as pissed as I have ever been. Leave a comment if you like I appreciate the comments. But pretty much Jared is a bitch 'nuff said. Sorry this post is so angry and not funny like its predecessors but I really gotta vent. Well later everybody, take care. Oh and check out The Royalties they are sick nasty. I really like Zombie Nation. Later Current Mood: pissed off Current Music: Tonight I Wanna Cry - Keith Urban (4 comments \| Leave a comment)
April 2nd, 2006
10:46 am [Link]	SB06 Vol 3: Ireland (cont.) Aight I am back...sorry I went on hiatus for a while to reflect on my life and non-sense like that. Good news I am back and ready to fill everybody in on the rest of the trip. So we arrive at Fitzsimmons and me and Sean decide to give it the once over. I mean it boasts 4 floors where there is a party all the time, so of course I had to see if they were true to their word. Unfortunately they really fell short. Besides the 1st floor not to much was really happening there, There were people on all three floors but I think it could have been better. So we go back down to the first floor and grab a table with Clint, Sue and Clay. We are chillin there taking in the atmosphere just making small talk and listening to the band. There were some girls over in one corner that Sue said we should go talk to, not only do I not have the self confidence to go up and do that, but I figure they are with their friends chilaxing and they don't some guys all up in their business so I decided not to. The night went on and we were chilling there still and eventually Clint and Sue decided to call it a night. When they called in a night we went down to the dance floor which was actually pretty bumpin as well. It was a weird scene down there, I mean I saw a long haired male midget. Anyway we were chillin down there until I ran out of money and was like lets hit the road. Sean went to use the bathroom and while I was waiting outside, some short frumpy woman came up to me and initiated a dance by shoving me in the chest. I didn't know what the hell was going on so I stood there, and then she does it again, and after she did it she started moving around in a big circle. This was really weird but I felt so bad for her that I decided to dance until Sean got out of the bathroom. So anyway I am sort of dancing and she shoves me again, at that point I was pissed. I was so close to shoving her back as hard as I could. But I exhibited some restraint and just left. That was so weird. So on the walk back I see a internet/international phone booth deal. So I went inside and called my dad we talked about the trip thus far. I got on the internet some and then we scooted out of there. I was craving some Burger King, which is open all hours of the day there and are generally multiple stories. So I went to the ATM and got out a 20 euro spot and went in and indulged. I got something that cost 7.9 euros which is crazy cause that is like $9.60. Anyway we went upstairs to eat and sat next to some passed out guy who had a half eaten sandwich, I thought about eating it but once again I displayed some self restraint. So I was eating there in peace when these three girls behind us were talking and dropping some hardcore F-bombs. So I turned to them and said, "Could you stop using such coarse language?" They apologized and conversation was sparked. We were chatting about this and that. They were American and went to Purdue and one girl was studying abroad in Ireland. We told them where we went to school and thus the stupid obnoxious questions began. How many push-ups can you do? What time do you get up in the morning? Is it hard? We answered all of them and eventually we all left. Coincidently enough we were all staying on the same street. So we walked back together and Sean ended up convincing them to come with us and hang out in the 24-hour club deal in our hotel. We got there and sat down on some couches. DONT READ BELOW IF YOU ARE THESE GIRLS So there were three of them and three of us. So we sort of paired off. Sean was with the Half-Asian (Sasha), I was with white brunette (Jill), and Woody was with the gernade (Sam)(because he has a girlfriend he was faithful and took the gernade). And we were just chillin making small talk about life tossing some jokes in here and there. We were all enjoying each others company. Clay Woody proceeded to put some dip in which was determined gross by the girls and then Sean called him a red-neck which was out of line and later apologized for. Then somehow the topic of "Naked push-ups" started. I don't pride myself on the ability to do push-ups or being naked so I gracefully declined. However Sean was all about these naked push-ups and Sasha said she would stick money down his boxers, Sasha was also trying to take a picture of her chest when Sean went to the bathroom. I was talking to the white brunette about soccer (beacuase she plays it, not because I enjoy the sport or talking about it) and living in Ireland. And I am not to sure what Woody and the gernade were talking about, but he was doing a great job of taking one, by the way she had a tongue ring, and her voice was painfully raspy. So the night was growing old and Jill made the observation that it was 5 in the morning. We decided that it would be a good time to call it a night. We all stood up and said good bye. We got an invite to a crepe place the next morning, I didn't put much stock into it though. Sasha was wearing Sean's coat so he was about to walk them home. I then thought it might be in my best interest to do the same. So me and Clay went upstairs and I picked up my coat and Clay said he was going to bed. I got a kick out of that cause the gernade didn't have anybody to walk her home. Anyway we started walking, Sean was walking with Sasha and Sam, and I was walking with Jill and we eventually got to Jill's place and said goodnight and made our way back. Sean was thanking me so much for talking to them at Burger King because he "Really has a thing for Asians" I told him he was welcome and not to worry about it. We got back around 545 am, and had to be up at like 11 to hop on this train tour of the countryside. Well we got up and walked to the train station it was freezing and it started snowing and I only slept for like 3 hours on the floor. So we got to the train station only to discover that the tour wasn't going out today because of the weather, I mean last I checked it was a damn train and should be able to run in any weather except for maybe a flood or on an active fault line, but then again what do I know. So we just hopped on a train headed out to some little towns along the coast. We got out at Malahide, I cleverly dubbed it Maldahide, like formaldahyde, Get it?. Anyway we walked around there and got something to eat at a little Italian joint. I asked the waitress if the Spaghetti was a real big portion. She responded with "Well pasta is generally a very filling meal" I was impressed with how she totally dodge the question and didn't realize what might be filling for her gorgeous 115lb self won't be as filling for my brutally disfigured body waying more than twice as much. We ate our spaghetti and went on our merry way. We got on the train again and took it to Howth, a fishing town out on the penninsula. It was snowing, on the ocean, and just plain bitter cold. It was cool to see but way to cold to enjoy. We got back on the train and headed back into Dublin. We made it back to our hotel and hung out there for a bit. I took a shower and made the water so hot that it practically cooked me. Then we went to s store and picked up some stuff to have back at the hotel. We talked with Sasha and Jill and the gernade and they were going out for Jill's 21st B-day but they said to catch up with them at some club later in the night. So we started having a party in our room with Us and Clint and Sue while watching some Britney Spears comeback deal. It was a good party, I broke a shelf, Clay stuck a bottle label to the wall, and the toliet seat broke off the damn bowl. I felt like a rock star trashing a hotel room, it was sweet. Ten O'clock came around and we went off to look for this club. We walked for quite easily 45 minutes to find this place, and it was allegedly near us. We stopped and asked like 20 people and walked by the place we stayed the first night we were in town, it was great. Eventually we found it and it was half filled and playing the Jitterbug, a song which I don't particullarly care for but whatever. The girls weren't there but they were on their way. They eventually got there we introduced them to Clint and Sue and then they wanted to leave and go to some other club on the opposite end of town. I am going to give some insight as to how far this walk was. Farther than walking from my house to the high school. Farther than walking from my house to West's house. It was quite possibly a 3 mile walk. I was not about this at all and neither was Woody. Sean left us somewhere in the course of the night to pursue the Half-Asian. So me and Woody were still at the club, Clint and Sue left and we sort of didn't know what to do. We eventually ran into some girl that was friends with Jill and she had a cell phone and was going to take us there. This walk sucked it was so long and so cold. But this walk was brutal, it was the rampage to end all rampages. So after walking forever we run into a part of town I was at least familiar with, and I knew that it was still going to take us forever. We ran into some friends from school. We then ran into some irish people and asked them for a light for one of our cigs cause we were in that mood, we talked to them about the army and other crap that I don't even remember, I did offer one my chapstick though. We kept on trekking and finally got to the club. Upon arrival Sean asked me for the key, I gave it to him cause I didn't really care. I told Woody and he said we need the key so we tried to get it back and Sean gave us 20 euros for us to give him the key. I was like sweet so we spent that fast. I talked to Jill at the club and I am not really sure how long we were there. But we eventually decided to leave and another brutal walk was about to begin. I am amazed to this day we found our way back. Anyway we finally got back it was a miracle. And when we showed up at our hotel door there is a big brown paper bag hanging on the door. And moaning coming from within....me and Woody cracked up laughing and started banging on the door, no pun intended. Sean came to the door and we demanded it be opened. We went in and told Sasha she could stay if she wanted, but I think she was embarassed a bit and left. I sat down and went to sleep in a chair, which in the course of the night I must have thought doubled for a toilet, boy was I suprised when I woke up. Anyway the next morning we woke up and went to the parade. It was pretty weird and not really parade like. The main highlight of the parade was when some Irish kid maybe 15 or 14 years old goes up to some chick and says "are you american?" she said yeah and he goes "do you want to make out?" started giggling and ran away with his friends, i went to get his picture because of how brave he was. We went home later that day and that really does sum up the trip, it was a great experience that I am glad I went on. Any questions ask me, some pics are in my facebook. Ross out. Current Mood: refreshed Current Music: White Men in Black Suits- Everclear (1 comment \| Leave a comment)
March 19th, 2006
11:19 am [Link]	SB06 Vol. 2: Ryan-air/Ireland Aight I am back...the trip wound up to be insane, I am about to write another long one so get some popcorn, get comfy, and whatev you do do not change the channel. So anyway, I left off on the previous post by packing and getting ready for a three hour drive up north to Frankfurt-Hahn airport. It was a pretty long drive 3 hours and 5 people in the car, I asked Clint how far away it was and he said a fur-piece, I sort have looked at him weird and said I didn't get it but it actually meant far piece and not what I was thinking. We finally got there and went into the airport and waited in a very long line to check in. We finally checked in and went through security and customs and got on the plane. Now this was probably the most uncomfortable plane ever made. It had rows of 3 on each side of the plane, the seats did not recline and the other seats were right on top of eachother. It was fixing to be a rough ride. To make it even worse I was in the "exit row", there wasn't an exit at the end of my row so I am puzzled as to why it was the exit row but it was. So therefore I couldn't put my bag under my seat for some reason, so the stewardess put it in a compartment half the plane away, also I couldn't hold my jacket in my lap because it was the exit row. This made no sense to me, but I complied, and finally the stewardess approached me and told me I couldn't listen to music on my iPod during take off. I was perplexed and getting pretty angry with these crazy Ryan-air stewardessed. The plane was packed with people already to go make party in Ireland for the weekend. So characters from Pennsylvania (determined by their PSU garb) were plastered the entire time, they were shouting and standing in the aisles it was nuts. The flight was cheap, but you had to buy any refreshments, and they were trying to sell stuff the entire time, like raffle tickets and other stupid crap. After we were in the air all these drunk people started using the bathroom. Some girl went back there and after a while she never came back. All her friends were looking back there and the stewardess eventually started knocking on the door asking if she was ok. No response. So some more time passed and a guy exited one of the bathrooms, I thought that was a bit odd since the girl was in one and one of the drunk guys was in the other, but then a light bulb went on in my head and I was like OH SNAP. These two kids just joined the mile high club. The guy eventually came out and his boys started clapping and then a few minutes later this girl came out and people started taking pictures and cheering. I figured she would be really embarassed cause it was like the walk of shame but she was to enibriated to even know she was on a plane. I also thought to myself, these crazy stewardesses were bugging me about my jacket being on my lap but they aren't going to take any action when people are consumating in the bathroom. So the flight continued I could not fall asleep and this was at like 11 at night. Anyway we are coming down for the landing when all of the sudden the newest memebr of the mile high club unbuckles his seat belt and runs to the back of the plane, on the landing. He starts fiddling with the door and the stewardesses were yelling like morons and he goes into the bathroom and pukes. On the landing it was crazy. That is Ryan-air for ya, it is cheap so that is its benefit. So anyway we arrive in Dublin International airport, I smelled the sweet Irish sea breeze in my nostrils it was great. So we hopped on some bus to the middle of town and began walking, we really had no clue where our hostel was. It wasn't really happening in the town either, I was suprised. Some good unsettling news is that about every 20 feet there was a flier for some missing kid. We kept walking and walking, and Sue almost got hit by a police car that was going mach 5 to catch some criminal. But eventually we got to the hostel. It was through like hundreds of doors and was like a maze to get there, but we found it. It was small, but I am glad we stayed in one for the experience and to know they are alright to stay in. Anyway we went to ask the man at the desk where the clubs were and he said a lot of joints close at 11, how weird. Anyway we went out walking about when we ran into some fellow army football players, how coincidental. We said hey to everybody and then John Wright identified me as the kid that always holds him, whatev. So anyway we caught up with all them and they said they are headed to "their place", so we walked to their place and it was called Copper Face Jacks, so angry Irish bouncers told us the cover was 5 euro, Marcus Millen told us it is worth it so we were in. There was a lot of loud music and dancing and it was a wild time. The dancing that was being done was like the 3 feet apart moving dancing, now me being a LHS alum only know how to bump-n-grind so I was at an obvious disadvantage so I just took my normal position, standing on the wall looking off into the bright lights. Millen told some girl that we "Go to West Point, we are on the football team" I sort of rolled my eyes at that line. But she told one of her friends and then her friend approached me and asked me if I got to the point, I said yeah. Then she proceeded to tell me about her four good guy friends that are marines and in Iraq, I really could care less to be honest. So anyway she started talking about war and then I had to defend myself, and eventually I just stopped talking to her because she was an idiot. She then asked me how old I was, being honest I said 18 and she said wow you are young, by the way she was 19. Anyway she left so I took back my position on the wall, I then headed to the bathroom where Shane Zinser another football player was pestering the bathroom attendant, he eventually left and I apologized on his behalf and gave the man some euro. Anyway I went back outside on the wall when some beautiful girl came up to me put on my hat and asked where am I from. I told her New York and she said she was from Boston, but had an Irish accent so I said "really" all inquisitively and she said no she is from Ireland. We started talking and she said she visited New York and asked if I went to NYU, I said no I go to a military school, and then it started all over again, the whole war thing. I mean I don't know if people feel that I enjoy defending what I have chose to do with my life, but just FYI I don't. Anyway she asked me if I wanted to go get a smoke, I don't smoke so I said no. Anyway we went over to the smoking part of the place. We talked about stuff, mainly war and not liking George Bush, but then she compared George Bush to being as smart as a chipmunk, well in the course of the conversation she said she has seen chipmunks in the zoo, which I thought was weird that they only have chipmunks in the zoo and I have them in my backyard, but I digress. So we continued chatting and then she said that I should do whatever I think is right and follow my heart. I am not sure if that was a pick-up line but I said thanks, and then we exhange names and hers was Fiona. Anyway she asked how old I was and I once again made the mistake of saying 18, she was 23 and called me a baby. Well anyway she gave me heard address and told me to write and then she gave me her bracelet. She took my hat in a trade, sort of, I felt bad to ask for it back so I let her take it. Well anyway we said goodnight and parted ways, I then found Woody and Kelly and we bounce on out of there. And went back to the Hostel and crashed for the night. That next morning we woke up around 1030 or so and checked out and headed to our hotel on Leeson street. We walked there and put our stuff down and then headed out on our next adventure to the Guiness Brewery to check out a tour. We stopped at a bagel place and got a bagel and walked through St. Stephens Green. This was a much smaller Central Park it was very well maintianed and was very beautiful. Anyway I found some pigeons and started chasing them ( I have pics of this) and we continued to walk and walk, the tour was on the otherside of town so it took forever to get there. We made a stop along the way and then kept going. We eventually got there and it was sort of a downer, we didn't actually get to see the process of it getting made just like a movie of it happening and the ingredients, we left. And walked back to the hard rock cafe. After this terribly long walk we arrived and to our dismay discovered meals were 20 euro for a burger, we walked down the street and eventually ate at this place called Elephant and Castle. It was pretty good, but wasn't that filling for the price unfortunately. After finishing there we walked back to the hotel and were so tired from the days events that we went to sleep for a while. Then went out on the town to Fitzsimmons..... I will complete this LJ in the next edition starting with the night at Fitzimmons I am tired and I have so much more to write it wont possibly be done in one sitting. TO BE CONTINUED Love Ross Current Mood: depressed Current Music: I'm in Love with a Stripper (Leave a comment)
March 14th, 2006
02:04 pm [Link]	SB06 Vol. 1: Germany Yo, its K-diz about to tell you the dirt on what has been going on so far in SB06. Well to start this story of right, I am going to tell what has happened since the moment spring break started which was 10 March at 0520. Well it actually started at 0510 in the morning thanks to my First Sergeant, anyway there was a lot of trash from the night before because everybody was cleaning their rooms before we left. So next morning the trash platoon really had their work cut out for them. There were huge boxes full of nonsense in the halls and it was a real mess. So around 0510 in the morning, my first sergeant starts banging on our door like it is going out of style. Anyway my roommate goes and gets the door and he says hey you guys help with trash. I mean I had to get on my bus to the airport at 615 and I just really didn't want to have any part with trash, so I started to put my clothes on all angrily, and then after I get out in the hall, all the trash is picked up. WTF I said to myself, that just started the break off on a sour note. Well I got all my stuff together, told Phillips to tell his sister Katie that I miss her and I hope we can rekindle the magic and I was off. I got on the bus at 615 to embark on the 2 hour ride to John F. Kennedy airport. I tried to go to sleep, but the bus driver put on Date Movie, unbearably loud so any chance at sleeping was shot. I sat next to Markenson Pierre on the ride down, he is a safety on the football team and speak two languages. WOW, he is orginally from Haiti so I think he speaks French as well. We didn't do a lot of talking but managed to form a bond that will forever be remembered. I got to the aiport at 815 and met up with Woody and Kelly in terminal four. Good news is I only had to wait 12 hours for my flight to take off. We got on the airtrain (A high tech little subway around the airport) and headed to the United Airlines terminal then when we discovered that we were not flying out of there we went back to terminal four and tried to find some food. Upon arrival at terminal four we went to this concourse area which had food and things necessary for travel such as a store that sold swarovski crystals, two tie shops, and other unbelievably stupid stores. Around 11 I got a burger and ate that, and then I went to buy some reading materials. I purchases outside magazine, which is a pretty cool magazine if you like outdoor sports. I also indulged and bought the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit issue, however when I realized there were no articles and only pictures that objectified and degraded women, I went back and threw it at the store clerk in a fit of rage. I then asked her why on Earth she sold wares that set her gender back 80 years. Disgusting. It was a pretty dull day, I mean nothing happened, we just sat there. Eventually Kelly left to get on his flight. And some strikingly pretty girl sat down with her parents and ate some food by us, so that added some excitement but it was minimal. I called my mom and Adam and that is really all that happened. Then I went to my terminal around 4 to check in. Luckily I got there right after a charter group of elderly skiers. They were just making me wait and lugging their skis around and talking about Metamucil and different brands of walkers. I found out from some lady that they were going to Venice and then skiing somewhere, I said that should be fun and then we made small talk about life. Then I went to the baggage checking men and waited in line behind the nursing home skiers, and I don't know if some people are so removed from society or what is wrong with them but some idiot just walks to the front of the line. I politely asked him if he didn't see the line of people. He looked at me like I had a problem, I looked at him like he was to retarded to live and gave him the wink of death. He then left the front of the line, and went to the middle. He figured since he had been waiting at the front he at least deserved a spot in the middle. Luckily within 30 seconds I saw him at the very end of the line. Justice was served. But then these other idiots kept running to the front of the line and saying "Oh I am going to miss my flight" and "Can you check these bags for me, I am running late?" THE NERVE, oh yeah sorry sir/ma'am you did plan poorly and have miserable time management, I can totally understand why you now deserve to cut everybody that isn't as dumb as you. Luckily since they left their bags and couldn't open the locks for the guys checking them, their locks got cut off so I gained some satisfaction from that. I eventually got to my gate and sat there for 3 hours it was great. I eventually got seated around 9 or so, and then my 8 hour transatlantic journey began. Some little circus midget guy sat next to me, and kept looking out the window and saying "Oh, no" and then looked at me and laughed. Yes, he was trying to scare me....I then questioned why is everybody so dumb and how do people like this go to work and hold a job....luckily I went to sleep. I woke up four hours later to daylight and breakfest. We landed eventually at about 1030 German time, 6 hours ahead, and went through customs and got my bags. Upon landing I was greeted by Kelly and Woody's older brother Clint. I gave Clint a hug. We then walked to Woody's gate and waited for a while after that we hopped in Clint's BMW M5 and drove off into the sun, away from Frankfurt and too Ansbach. Along the way I saw a lot of signs that weren't in English and other things that assured me I was in Germany, like rolling country side and weird liscense plates and other weird stuff. I saw some huge windmills though that generated power, I was in awe of their majesty and ingeniuty, they are impressive I have pictures. Anyway I fell asleep again and woke up at a gas station, we went inside I got some sort of salami sandwich deal and the girl working there was very pretty and her accent when she tried to speak english swept me off my feet, needless to say we left and I will never see her again. So we finally get to Clint's home where his wife Sue is at the door talking to some guy, we later find out this guy was preaching the good word of the lord, sort of like those pesky Johovah's Witnesses, but in Germany. We said hi to Sue and then went in the house. It is a very nice house with four levels and a bunch of bedrooms. The highlight of the tour was when we went upstairs and Clint said "This is where the magic happens" and Sue shouted upstairs "Clint". We chilled out at the house and played video games and talked for a while, then Sue made us Lasgna and we at it, it was good. Then we partied a little at their house and then we went out to Peppe's which was like a mexican restaurant sort of deal and we met Tina and Julia (pronounced Who-lia) they were friends of Sue. We partied at this jount for a little bit and then we caught wind of a bathing suit party, I kept making the joke where is my bikini, because I thought it was funny at the time, It really wasn't. We went there and the wait was pretty long and for some reason I neglected to wear a coat, but the good news is that it started snowing. We didn't want to wait in the line so Julia and Tina walked us in the direction of this club, the walk was cold as hell, and I thought my ears were going to fall off. So we kept walking and before we got there Julia took my hate, cause this club hates Americans and Julia felt it wasn't a good idea to rep OSU in there and nobody buy Americans wear baseball caps anyway. And they told me not to talk. So we go into the club and I am halfway in when the bartenders tell us to head on out, I was pissed, some how they knew. But in a sarcastic way when I walked out the door I pleaded with them by saying Guten Haben, which means Good evening, I said it about 6 times and they still didn't let us in. We partied a lot that night and on the walk back to the care I fell down about 4 times because of the snows slippery properties, I then beckoned for Kelly to help me up and then I pulled him down too, I got a kick out of that. We eventually made it back to the house, I ate some more lasagna and fell asleep. We woke up and had breakfest at 1200 the next day, Sunday, had a good conversation about the previous night and planned what we were going to do today. Sue and I wanted to see a castle, nobody else did, I wanted to go to the zoo, nobody else did. Anyway we decided to go to a bizzare at another army post, this was quite a drive, I bought some souveniors there and heard tales of infidelity by army husbands it was a bit depressing, but whatev. We eventually left this joint and headed to this real good Italian joint. I went to drain my lizard at the restaurant and noticed a vending machine, now this wasn't your normal vending machine in a bathroom. It didn't have tampoons and sanitary napkins. It had condoms though, and a pnis ring, and aal beads and just other weird shit, I took a picture. We got back from the Italian place, chilled and watched some movies. I went to sleep, and we planned on going to Munich the next day. The next morning I woke up at about 10 and found out that Woody and Kelly were still asleep, I asked them what we were doing and they didn't answer, probably because they couldn't hear me cause they were asleep. Anyway we decided that Munich would be to far of a trip so we loaded up our backpacks with milks and went to Nuremburg instead. Upon arriving in the train station I had to use the bathroom, we had no frickin clue where it was or what the symbol was, so I asked some German chicks, apparently the bathrooms was upstairs and cost 60 frickin cents to take a piss, I am crude and call it piss because the urinal there is called a Pissor, so I am actually not being that crude, and am just reporting the facts. Anyway to sit down and use the rest room was like 1.2 euros and I wasn't having any of that. We got outside strolled around Nuremburg saw some weird buildings and then discovered that we didn't know what to so I asked some tourist guide lady what there was, apparently all the museums and stuff close at 4 on mondays yeah it is retarded so we just walked around trying to find some place to eat. I kept saying Guten Tag to everybody (German for Hi or something) I wasn't warmly recieved and it was a rarity to be guten tagged back. We walked all around the place taking pictures of crap when we eventually were cold and hungry and wanted a sit down restaurant. Kelly got a falafel, because he was convinced they make them really well here, despite it not being a traditional german food. Well anyway we walked around and found this place that was nice and small, I didn't know what door to open so we left and kept walking then we couldn't find anything so they made me go back to this place and open a door. Luckily it was the right one, and some old chick got this young chick that new English to wait on us. I got a gatorade and some mashed potatoes, saurkraut, and bratwurst. It was delicious and the saurkraut tasted like ramen noodles. I then had another gatorade and we left. We went into a department store and discovered that there were a lot of gay colorful flamboyant clothes there and determined that Europeans dress like gays. Anyway I was chillin so I kept say Guten Haben to everybody they weren't very responsive so I shortened it to Gute, I don't think they appreciated that either. Well to continue our walk we bought a pack of cigs, because Europeans really love them. I smoked one it sucked. We headed back to the train station through this underpass thing and I saw a homeless guy playing the accordian and some drunk old man dancing around. I was chillin so I started to dance with him and the toothless accordian player. Then the drunk man told me he loves me and we kept dancing. The accordian player then started yelling at me in German about something, damned if I know, I yelled back "I can't understand the words that are coming out of your mouth" we dueled like that for a while. So I bought him a milk and we left. But not before getting a group hug with the both of them. On the way out I saw the first Black people I saw since getting there and sure enough the police were giving them a hard time. I tried to nonchalantly take a picture of this racism but I missed an over the shoulder shot. I went upstairs to use the damn 60 cent pissor again and got a picture with the guy that ran it. Then I saw some chick with some guy and cheers her, he seemed pretty pissed. But then I noticed they had a dog so like an idiot I started saying another German word I know, Hund (like hound, or dog). I asked him to take a picture of me with his hund, it was great. We then got on the train back to ansbach. But on the train I talked to some german guy with long hair and his trick. She wasn't all about talking, but me and him talked about the differences in German and American schooling systems and politics. It was a decent conversation, they said they hate George Bush, and pretty much everybody does, I spat on him and told him I will duel him to the death if he didn't retract that statement he did and we parted ways. Clint gave us a ride home, and I told Clint and Sue about my day, then Tina and Julia came over and I told them about my day. And then I ate this artichoke and chicken thing Sue made it was so good I practically ate a whole cassarole dish of it, it was supposed to be Clint's lunch for today, sorry Clint. And then I was so chillin that Sue convinced me to polish her boots, I did a damn good job and they were all bling bling. Well I went to sleep but not before throwing my watch on the floor for some reason. Today we woke up and went to the Army post to check out the helicopters. We snapped some pics and got in them, it was pretty sick nasty to see these big birds of brutality capable of wiping out a town of clay huts in one blast. Then Clint had to go to some retirement ceremony for some SGT Major, so we hung out and after he was done we went to the commissary to get some sandwiches and then visit Sue at her office where she is always locking up people and making them stand at parade rest. We then went back to the house I ate my sandwich which was sweet as hell, not sweet like sugar but sweet like good. I then tried to go to sleep and was awoken by Woody. Then I got up and cleaned the bathroom cause I was feeling nice and now I finished this post. We are headed to Ireland tonight, it should be sweet. Drop me a comment but for now I am out like a reindeer, later. ross out Current Mood: excited Current Music: Some German song (5 comments \| Leave a comment)

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